'Shopping Cart'
Tornado Just Passed Through

The Spirit of Anticipation


You won't be surprised: Aware my parents arrive on Saturday though we haven't told him the precise dates, Charlie is up at 3am. Shower on and off a few times, YouTube video watching (he somehow found the Barney Let's Play School video that was removed from the Internet a few years ago), various sorts of music (a preponderance of Disney with a dash of 'Brown-eyed Girl'). Eating something resembling a meal right now.

Yes, in past days I would have fought off the practice of frozen fries in the night's wee hours and worried about the disruption to Charlie's biological clock. As he has amply proved that he can get on a 7-something am bus even with less than two or three hours of sleep, I've let go of that worry.

At school, Charlie was upset on and off but held it together. He gave his teacher (and everyone) a nice surprise when, on his own, Charlie said 'hi' to a student who was in his room last year and now is not.

Nce-paced, non-balky bike ride. Two walks, the second one about 60% running at a fast pace.

(I believe it is thanks to Charlie I've got the stamina for six straight hours of teaching four classes on four topics in 90 degrees, sticky weather, to under-energized students. Certainly, it is thanks to him that I've gotten used to walk-runs in every kind of weather and with someone who's not always at his peaceful-easy feeling amenableness.)

I've been thinking, how do you explain 'anxiety' to s boy who can be deeply troubled unless language, what is said to and around him, is strictly of the present tense and concrete?

But then, anxiety, it occurs to me, is no abstraction for Charlie at all.

I don't think he has a stomachache per se but he seems to be feeling something like 'butterflies' or rather, he has real butterflies (if not exactly of an insect kind) fluttering in his gut.

He has said 'shopping cart' a few times. I decided just to take it as not having its literal meaning at all and being, rather, a buzzword for anxiety and in particular the sort you feel on walking into a big space loaded with commodities and it's all too overwhelming.


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